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Ode to Retirement
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Retirement finally! What a great feeling!
The end of his business of wheeling and dealing!
Though she doesn't find it all peaches and honey....
She has twice the husband only half the money.
The old order changeth and yields to the new.
You must be efficient in all that you do.
And just when she thought she was doing things right,
She finds she´s bungling from morning to night.
"My dear, you´ve no system and that´s been your fault
All this has to change now and come to a halt".
He´s into the cooking and cleaning and such.
A wall-to-wall husband is simply too much.
And she fears some day she will say with a sob
For Heaven´s sake go out and find a new job.
--Author Unknown
The end of his business of wheeling and dealing!
Though she doesn't find it all peaches and honey....
She has twice the husband only half the money.
The old order changeth and yields to the new.
You must be efficient in all that you do.
And just when she thought she was doing things right,
She finds she´s bungling from morning to night.
"My dear, you´ve no system and that´s been your fault
All this has to change now and come to a halt".
He´s into the cooking and cleaning and such.
A wall-to-wall husband is simply too much.
And she fears some day she will say with a sob
For Heaven´s sake go out and find a new job.
--Author Unknown
The old order is no longer, the new one is not yet. And that can be frightening. Especially for the ones that were accustomed in Switzerland to: 30 and more years of economic boom, combined with a general thrust for more and more. We had turned into a nation of "bring me" - recipients. Consuming was and is the game governing our minds and souls.
And then all of a sudden, often with no preparation at all, we workers find ourselves sent home, home for good. No more checking in at seven and working through to five (or much later, if you are a manager, a specialist or some other type of work addict). And the surprise is also there for the "Hausfrau". She has a new assistant, the one she had always dreamt of. But he rather turns out to be either a decoration in front of the TV or then a revolutionary, who wants to introduce all these business tools into the life of their common home. Re-organizing, up- and downsizing, reengineering are being transferred to the "private sector" as he finds it so difficult to let go of all those fabulous things, that represented his world for so long. Truly a crucial change. For both. And
often
for the onesaround them. The losses and the gains of (early) retirement
We have all gone through a number of changed situations in our lives of 55 or 60 years. Critical life events like loosing a close person, severe sickness or a sacking from a treasured position. Also, possibly less dramatic changes occur to everyone: getting married, not passing an exam, getting older combined with the empty nest syndrome etc.And what have we learned from such experiences? Often not much in a society that is accustomed to a modus operandi that one could call "plug out ... plug in". Leave one job (or partner) take the next one. No time of reflection in-between, let alone closing the first situation properly.
This is what my clients, be they in an outplacement situation at a mature age, be they retirees, especially before the generally accepted dates of 65 for men or 62 for women, are confronting themselves early in consultation with me. We use the technique of mind-mapping (Busan) to try to approach the following questions in the transition phase:
- What were the pluses, what were the minuses in my situation that I leave behind?
- What do I (seemingly) gain with the new situation? And
- What areas of my future life are now affected?
Such mind-map could look like this (some main areas are only slightly detailed, to be done by the client):go to mind map
Based on such assessment of the situation several insights might develop. They might recognize, that, e.g. their past has been an overexploitation of health and an undernourishment of the social side. Future plans might be born out of such insights also, like: personal health plan, a vision of their relationships and supporting steps etc. Also very pressing business might result from the overview. Things that must be taken care of right away: new tax and insurance situation, repairs on the house, assessment and redistribution of domestic responsibilities. And some people even realize that after the hectic years they want to spend some more time (finally) with themselves and with their partners.
Generally speaking it becomes obvious to most that their life has just been a file of work and work and work again. Especially for managers. And for the first time they spend some deep thoughts on the entirety of there life.
What a surprise for many. Especially for the ones who take the advice of William Bridges´ Transitions (1980) seriously. They take time out to realize what they have really lost; they bring their full professional life to a definite "ending". Pain, grief and other emotions accompany them on that way and continue to do so during the "intermediate chaos period" where nothing is clear anymore, neither the past nor the future. Armed with the recommendation to embrace what is there at the moment, with no wantings, they might start to see the world in different colors than before. The process is supported by the tranquility of a few days "in the desert". Such quietness around them might help to recognize some of the light signs that signal possible callings for the future.
Coming back to the losses: many retirees realize after some kind of honey moon phase, filled with activities that were delayed for a long time (sleeping long, gardening, reading, travelling), that having given up a job means having lost
- A task and with that the possibility to prove yourself
- friendships with co-workers and all that goes with it (information, rumors, involvement, quarrels, intrigues, belonging etc.)
- a chance to learn new things at work and to practice them
- part of your income (and with that part of your status) and the security of social benefits
- and, and...
And with that it becomes clear that a proper farewell to an important part of life is advised. The "productive" years are over, are they not? Yes they are, if you follow the general trend of thinking that "Charlie is now over the hill". And such is the general thinking over here. Jokes and everyday stories exemplify it beautifully. No emphasis on the gains (like more freedom, more options to do, what you really like doing) but rather a fear-infested concentration on deficiencies in health, in material goods and other more "external" properties.
Asked someone the question: do you know what the advantages (besides the downside) of losing some of your memory capacity is, when you get older? No? There are three pluses: 1. You can hide your own Easter eggs. 2. Looking into the mirror every morning you will always meet a new face. And 3. You can hide your own Easter eggs. - No comment; the joke might be funny but it is also an unhealthy sign of
preconceptions.
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A more global view of the issue:
Successful Aging
Some companies and some organizations in Switzerland offer preparatory courses for candidates for retirement. Such undertakings have quite a tradition and are now extended to a rather new population, the early retirees. The term still very much in use, to r e - t i r e, derived from Latin, meaning to pull back, is typically indicating the basic concept underlying the whole process. Life is pretty much over, the work has been done and it is time to enjoy rest and get ready for death. What once, at the turn of the last century (1900), was the norm, namely at best just a very few years before the burial, is still the (unconsciously) underlying assumption today. Despite of all the statistics and personal experiences, that tells anybody in Switzerland that the Age Wave (Dychtwald, 1990) is a reality here too. New situation, old software! We have not woken up to the demographical changes at all.
In our courses for early retirees, "victims" of the merger of too giant companies, we do try to introduce some new thoughts about life after work-life. The ten to 20% of the concerned population voluntarily participating in our workshops, is first asked about their concerns and their wishes for the times ahead. Good health, happiness and good relationships are always at the top of the list. And as the first and the third item have been covered already in another workshop by others, my colleague, Werner A. Sutter, and I will concentrate on the difficult issue of happiness.
Basically we use the model of a balanced life of work, learning and leisure to approach the idea of a Successful Aging. Often it comes as a shock to the early "recycled" person, that loosing "mother job" is really like a wake-up call to the third phase in life. Remember: most of us have internalized that retirement means being old. And suddenly he and she are confronted with a new view: learning that to be happy could mean to learn to grow old intentionally and mindfully.
This new view is at first not very welcome, as it seems to confront the general expectation, that the time of the "continual-freedom-to-relax-and-to-do-what-you- please" has arrived. And that you have merited such letting go after 40 years of hard work. Reminded however, how difficult it is for many just to fill a three to four week vacation with meaningful doings and beings possibly opens up the interest for some life designing into eldering.
After all, many later life issues are not so much different from business : tasks, decision making, challenges, cooperation, handling money, solving problems, learning, balancing etc. And it constantly asks for the application of transferable skills and traits as during the money making phase of life. BUT: it is also different insofar as the o v e r a r c h i n gm e a n i n g of
- life long "working"
- life long learning and
- life long playing
for this new life period is concerned. With some of the daily pressures away the Junior Elder might be even more deeply confronted now with the question mentioned in the beginning of this essay: Where Do I go from Here with My Life? (Crystal and Bolles, 1974). And not only in the doing-sense but even more so in the being- sense. Philosophy of life as a term comes to mind, a factor, that we have learned to approach in our workshop rather carefully. Value questions seem to be accepted best in the context of Life/work Designing, which forms the major part of our seminar content. The path to Successful Aging will obviously also include other realms of life like continuous health management, money
management
and - last (!!) but not least - the land of spirituality.
Life/work Designing as a help towards a fuller
life?
The reader of these observations will have noticed, that Dick Bolles´
Parachute, (2001) has greatly influenced my thinking and counseling.
With 15 years of experience with outplacement and career development
situations I would summarize my learnings by quoting many of my clients:
"I can only be thankful for having been dismissed. Life/work
Designing has helped me to a fuller and more meaningful life than
before". Retirement, especially the early and often not expected retirement, has many aspects in common with the transition situation prompted by a dismissal. In one way it can be even more challenging. The retiring candidate is confronting himself not with a plug-in challenge into the same (career) but rather into a new life, falsely called retirement, better termed pro-tirement (Murphy, Hudson, 1995).
Our recent workshop participants reacted to the invitation to come up with some life stories for skill analysis (Bolles, Haldane) first with some skepticism which then mostly turns into a major celebration of the past (never start looking at the future without first looking at your past). Getting to really know your strengths, your talents seems to feed a very basic need not only of the younger, but even more so of the seasoned life traveler. This was confirmed recently when "Trio Pilatus", three buddies from the same Swiss alma mater, sat together for two days in the wilderness doing the parachute assessment work on themselves. Big joy with the outcome. As all three are approaching pro-tirement they are now working with their favorite skills and favorite fields trying to combine them into possibly totally new fields of activity and learning. Like that retired banker, who loves the fields: money, forest, alps and working with youth. He is now using his transferable skills (convincing, writing and gathering) in a project job, where he helps, as a fund riser, to collect money to reforest mountain-woods destroyed by the severe storms some time ago. And thus contributing to measures that protect mountain folks from snow and earth avalanches. At the same time doing some good to help keep the young people employed in the less populated areas.
This example beautifully illustrates the ethical perspective coming into play. He is collecting funds for some very worthy cause, that is very much connected to his own inner calling. And he can prove to himself to be what Baumgartner (1998) calls a "LEBENSUNTERNEHMER" (entrepreneur of life) relying on himself and his own strengths, which are proving to be most beneficial in his volunteer job as well as in his own challenging growth as an Elder.
Taking life in one´s own hands -- getting away from the give-me attitude to a more service oriented posture -- certainly has the promise to help to achieve a fuller life. Taking on responsibility might just be the mission reserved for the people on the way to a joyous Eldership. And there certainly are enough tasks in this world of ours that need to be tackled. Children, hunger, ecology, truth, beauty and many more wait to be coming into the forefront besides economical issues on the way to a better world. And Elders can contribute a big share and even eat the sweet cake of autonomy aside.
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What I have learned from my clients
and the challenges of life
To kind of summarize my thoughts I would mention the answer of a famous
psychotherapist and meditation teacher, when asked, what usually unlashed
the development and full use of a person's potential. He felt that
amongst the many people of all walks of life that he was dealing with,
only very few did go onto the path of "waking up" and utilizing
their gifts fully without a wake-up call (call it a [critical] life
event). My experiences with myself, my clients and observing my (business)
world background confirm this fully. Frustration seems to offer quite
a helping hand if and when a proper support net is available. Life
long "valuing your community " (Bolles, 1991) as one of
the Life/work Designing techniques in Elderhood will offer such support
in times of need. Coupled with a sporadic updating of one´s
own assessment of strengths, vision, and mission in life will lay
the grounds for "choosing involvement" to master the challenges
of Elderhood.Our hope is, that by complementing the traditional retirement subjects of health, money and legal affairs with a Life Designing approach, a process towards Successful Aging might get a bit of a boost. It is a small contribution, which in future needs to be supplemented by many more efforts to find more compatible software to deal with the new realities. Planting trees even in arid lands will eventually help to stem unfortunate
slides.
Closure and .......
There is this story of the Swiss farmer with a big pond on his land.
He visits his pond every evening and one day finds a rose on the water.
Wonderful, a water rose! Next evening there are two roses, then four,
then sixteen and so on. His heart was full of joy observing the beautiful
plants. One day he felt he had to find out whether these flowers would
continue to spread in the same rhythm and eventually cover the full
size of the big pond. And thus take away the essential light for the
red fish. As a good Swiss he has a scientific investigation done by
a professor of the Zürich University. And the expert confirmed
(consulting bill included) that the plants would continue growing
until...Our farmer felt he still had lots of time for action as only
1/16th of the surface was covered then. One day he noticed that still
half of the pond was free, enjoyed life and went to sleep. The next
day all the red fish had died. End of story.We hope to contribute a tiny bit for some fellow travelers and for ourselves to take early steps. Granted: on top of our own efforts we all need the support of an "ultimate reality" (Steindl-Rast) in this quest for a "Successful Aging".
References
· Baumgartner Peter.(1998) Lebensunternehmer. Schmid und Barmettler Verlag AG. CH-Bülach.
· Bolles Richard N. (2001 Edition). What Color Is Your Parachute? Ten Speed Press.
· Bolles Richard N. (1981) The Three Boxes of Life And How To Get Out of Them. Ten Speed Press
· Bridges William (1980). Transitions. Making Sense of Life´s Changes. Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, Inc.
· Buzan Tony & Keen Raymond (1996). The Age Heresy. You Can Achieve More - Not Less - As You Get Older. Ebury Press, UK
· Chrystal John C. and Bolles Richard N. (1974). Where Do I Go From Here With My Life? Ten Speed Press.
· Dychtwald Ken and Joe Flower (1990). Age Wave How the Most Important Trend of Our Time Will Change Your Future. Bantam books.
· Kessler Peter. (1998). Frühpensionierung in Fit für die Pensionierung. Verlag Beobachter Ratgeber, Jean Frey AG, CH-Zürich.
· Murphy John S. and Hudson Frederic M. (1995). The Joy Of Old, A Guide to Successful Elderhood. Geode Press.
· Haldane Bernard. (1996) Career Satisfaction and Success. JIST Works, Inc.
· Steindl-Rast David. (1986). Fülle und Nichts. Goldmann 980, D-München
Personal backgroundPeter Kessler, after receiving the gift of being dismissed from a treasured position as Human Resources Director with a multinational company, found his new mission in consulting with people at a crossroad in their (professional) life. He was the second person in Switzerland to start Outplacement/Lifework Designing and has had great fun in doing that since 1985. Earlier, after receiving an MBA from St. Gallen University in Switzerland and two years trial and error jobs in the USA, he had been in International Human Resources Management positions with IBM and Siemens in his home country. Successful Aging has for some years now been an added dimension to his work and life. In that context he has run workshops on "Early Pro-tirement" with a global company in Switzerland. He does volunteer work with the Swiss web site <www.REIFE.CH> and works with a small group of friends on the idea of a New Outlook on Aging.Peter (1934) is married again since 1990 after ten years widowership. He has two daughters and one grandson. He wishes to be able to "plant many more trees". |
Note: This article has been published in the Career Planning and Adult Development Journal, Volume 15 Number 3 ISSN 0736-1920 Fall 1999. Reprint with permission by the editor, Dick Knowdell.
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 | LifeDesigning Peter Kessler, lic.oec.HSG CH-8645 Jona-Kempraten | ||